dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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