Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
