Whod you bang
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
