I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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