It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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