i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
