You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
