My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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