I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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