SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
