HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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