I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my poor anus
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
