If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
