oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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