Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
