she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
