Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
