i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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