Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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