I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize