Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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