i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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