Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
