When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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