Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
