Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
