I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
