TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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