i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
