All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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