Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
