i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
