Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
