He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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