how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
