I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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