I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
