I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
