God, you're like boner-b-gone
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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