Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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