break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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