Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
never play flip cup with pint glasses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
