break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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