What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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