I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
