dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
