went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
