I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
