I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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