at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
