Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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