Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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