You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
