I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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