there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize