Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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