id be glad to
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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