Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
