Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
