Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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