and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
