I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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