1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
