Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
