my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize