I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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